Apologizing to a Puppy: 4 Golden Rules (+5 Ways to Make Up)
Everyone does things they regret, and you may have lashed out physically or verbally at your puppy, and now you feel terrible.
Have you damaged your puppy’s trust in you?
Can you rebuild trust?
Why Did You Hit or Shout at Your Puppy?
The rational part of you knows that hitting and shouting is not the best way to resolve any issue. But there is a good chunk of your instincts that react without your conscious control.
The first question to answer is a difficult one – do you have problems with anger management or impulse control?
Do you regularly shout and hit out at people, and is your puppy just the next unfortunate victim of your anger management problem?
If your anger is an issue, the first step to seeking help is recognizing the problem. Specialist help in anger management will improve your life enormously.
However, it’s more likely that the incident of hitting or shouting at your puppy is unexpected. Perhaps in response to a trigger like finding a random mess on the floor or chewed furniture.
You got angry, you know it was pointless, and now you feel guilty and sorry for upsetting your puppy.
Will Your Puppy Remember the Incident?
The way your puppy remembers events is different from yours.
Your puppy’s memory is associative. Half an hour after the hitting or shouting incident, your puppy is thinking about whatever it is doing now.
Although your puppy doesn’t have historical memories in a narrative form, it does have associative memory.
If you shout and lash out at your puppy on a repetitive basis, your puppy will quickly learn to associate the smell, body language, and tone of your voice as a potential threat.
Your puppy will deal with that potential threat with a flight or fight response. It’s not healthy for your bond with your puppy for your puppy to see you as a threat in its life.
Repeated incidents will result in your puppy ceasing to look at you as a parent figure.
Your puppy won’t be happy to see you, and if there is an alternate person available in your family unit, your puppy may choose to bond with them instead of you.
How much your puppy remembers your angry behavior depends on how regularly you get mad at your puppy.
Can You Make It Right with Your Puppy?
A verbal apology means nothing to your puppy – for your puppy actions are the essential way to demonstrate you’re worthy of trust.
1. Respect the Safe Space
If your puppy runs and hides, don’t pursue it into its safe space.
It doesn’t matter how guilty you feel; forcibly dragging your puppy out of its safe zone and forcing cuddles onto it won’t make it feel better.
By chasing your puppy and forcing physical contact, you are reinforcing the frightening nature of the incident.
First, you frightened the puppy, then you pursued it and pulled it from safety. The safe zone is no longer a safe place for your puppy to go when it is frightened.
Allow your puppy to retreat to its safe place and allow your puppy to come out and see you when it feels it is safe to do so.
2. Don’t Escalate
Suppose you hit your puppy, and it responds with bared teeth and growls?
Perhaps you feel you need to cow your puppy into submission with a zero-tolerance approach to aggression?
Escalating violence is not the answer to resolving your puppy’s fear response in these circumstances.
Your puppy may have an issue with aggression, but there is a difference between you initiating aggressive behavior and the puppy initiating aggression.
The response required is different.
You need to give the puppy a safe escape route, and you need to calm your breathing, tone of voice, and body language. Speak to your puppy in soft tones and avoid aggressive eye contact or movements.
You can leave the room while you and the puppy calm down.
You are not giving in to the puppy’s will because this is not a dominance battle but a pleasant behavior reinstatement.
3. Time Heals
Don’t switch from angry shouting or approach your pup after a hasty slap and immediately try to make things right.
Allow at least five or ten minutes for the dust to settle.
After the immediate incident passes, you can substitute a more enjoyable activity like offering a treat or playtime.
If your puppy does not want to engage with you – don’t force it. Allow more time to pass, and then try to coax it into a fun game, out for a walk, or with a delicious puppy treat.
Your puppy lives in the present moment, and you can displace bad feelings with a more positive interaction which is good for you and your puppy.
4. Do Better Going Forward
The best apology you can give your puppy is to behave better from now – refraining from lashing out with angry words or slaps when dealing with your puppy.
The issue is the intent behind the action.
Disciplining and training your puppy may occasionally involve a tap on the nose. Still, the deliberate use of a relatively gentle but surprising tap is different from lashing out in anger.
The same with using a raised voice – there are circumstances when you need to raise your voice to give an urgent command or for your puppy to hear you.
Does Your Puppy Hate You?
A human child in an argument with their parents or after an angry exchange may state that they hate the offending parent. It is a rather extreme way of expressing unhappiness, and the words are intended to hurt.
Your puppy feels emotions, but your puppy’s reaction to events revolves around happiness and sadness.
Most puppies’ usual setting is happiness – wagging tails, wriggling bodies, and happy noises. When your puppy is sad, it is either ill and feeling uncomfortable, grieving for a loss or afraid.
Explosive anger (for no apparent reason) from the person who otherwise makes the puppy happy is frightening from the puppy’s viewpoint.
Your puppy doesn’t feel hate at that moment or afterward but fear.
In some ways, that is worse than hate because your puppy is not in control of its environment or your actions – you are.
Will Your Puppy Forgive You?
Your relationship with your puppy builds minute by minute. Your puppy recognizes you by your scent and associates your scent file with how you behave.
If you feed, walk, play, and care for your puppy, your puppy sees you as its protector, friend, and caregiver.
Provided most of your interactions with your puppy are positive, it will accept you as its favorite person associated with happiness.
You don’t need to seek your puppy’s forgiveness so much as treat it kindly and appropriately.
Do You Need to Rebuild the Trust?
Your actions’ damage to your puppy’s trust depends on how long the puppy has been with you.
An incident in the first few days is more damaging than after several months.
The way to rebuild the trust in your puppy is through your actions from now on. You can’t wipe out the past with words; you need to demonstrate care and attention.
Some puppies are naturally more nervous and prone to fear than others. Others tend towards aggression when threatened.
How you behave towards your puppy will either help or hinder your puppy’s natural tendencies.
A nervous puppy will probably always flinch when startled, but remaining calm and not yelling at your puppy will dissipate fear and reduce the length of the fear response.
Yelling at your nervous puppy may give it one more fear reaction, but you can reverse that setback with time and patience.
Part of the issue with expressing anger inappropriately with a puppy is the sickening realization that you’ve inflicted suffering on a small animal that didn’t deserve it.
By putting the incident behind you and building up your puppy’s trust with excellent care and positive interaction, you rebuild your trust in yourself.
It is disappointing when you let yourself down, but you can’t wallow in guilt. You make it right for your puppy by doing better going forward.
Top Tips for Making Up with Your Puppy
After your puppy has recovered from the shock and is ready to re-engage with you, what are the best ways to start rebuilding the affectionate bond?
1. Delicious Treats and a Game
If your puppy enjoys food treats, use the favorite treat with a game of hiding and seek.
This game helps you spend time with your puppy and encourages it to use its nose.
You can use paper cups to hide the treat and encourage your puppy to find where the treat is hiding with plenty of encouraging words.
2. New Toy
It’s worth having a hidden store of new toys for your puppy when you spot what type of toys suits it best.
Some puppies enjoy squeaky toys, while others prefer active toys for chewing or tugging.
An energetic puppy will wear out its favorite toys, so having a toy in-store to produce when you want to change the mood is a quick and straightforward way to make your puppy happy.
3. Happiness Theme Track
This approach isn’t an instant fix, but if you plan to ensure your puppy builds good associations with certain music, it allows you to play happy music when you stop being angry with your puppy.
An affordable CD of calming music for your puppy can signal that the storm has passed.
If you are happy to spend a little more on promoting a happy home for your puppy, a Bluetooth speaker pre-loaded with suitable canine tunes may help restore peace and contentment.
4. Outdoor Fun
If your puppy is old enough to go outside for a walk, this activity is the best option for restoring your relationship.
A walk to your local park with plenty of time to quietly sniff and explore restores both your peace of mind and your puppy’s zest for life.
What else can you do around your home?
If it is a hot day and your puppy enjoys water-play, fill up a dog paddling pool in the garden and let the splashing commence.
5. Puppy Massage
Reconnecting through the power of touch is a powerful way to restore your puppy’s trust and your sense of well-being.
Simply running your hands over your puppy will comfort it and lower your blood pressure.
A pair of puppy grooming gloves will help you make your puppy feel better while removing loose hair and keeping your house and furniture a bit cleaner.
Summary
There is a world of difference between an angry but impulsive single action and daily verbal and physical abuse towards your puppy.
One angry incident won’t cause your puppy to hate and fear you. You can rebuild your relationship within a few minutes and let go of the guilt.
If your puppy suffers a physical injury, put your shame to one side and take it for immediate attention by a vet.
Your puppy relies on you for both physical and emotional support, but you are only human.
You may misbehave on occasion, but the sorrow you feel and desire to rebuild your relationship with your puppy means, at heart, you remain worthy of your puppy’s unconditional love and affection.